I'm here...I promise

I'm here and still reading your blogs and keeping up..just not quite keeping up with myself. Depression...boo. Honestly..if I knew that having baby #2, quitting my job and becoming a SAHM would throw me for such a loop...I would have prepared better. More medication perhaps. Doesn't help that I'm partially mental already anyway! Here are the thoughts rattling through my head- *My house is struggling...as in this little depression I've allowed myself to slip into shows in the house. Laundry is NOT getting done...b/c WHO wants to do laundry when you can enter online giveaways all day...really? *My good neighbor plowed the snow out of my driveway and I let the thank-you muffins overbake. *fail* * Shrek the Musical yesterday with Husband and Little Miss...I actually took the time and did my hair and makeup and looked...what? Almost cute...no really...I can see where I used to be attractive. (btw..we only stayed for the first 1/2 b/c Little Miss got tired-but it was cute..enough. I'm more of a musical that was meant to be a musical and not a movie turned musical gal) *I'm not sure if it's really being 'depressed' or that my body is really fighting me since I started my diet... Diet update! So...my 'start' date was January 3...but my HCG drops didn't come in until THIS week. Last week was my 'test' week. As in testing myself to if I could really cut my calories THAT drastically and survive. I did survive. But I can tell you that being on a 500 calorie diet and helping your brother move..NOT a good idea. However I emerged triumphant with a 6.2 loss. That's good. No, that's GREAT. But what is my attitude about it right now? Meh... Because I have SO much further to go. back to random thoughts- * I'm thinking seriously that I need to turn to the scriptures, b/c I really feel, um...distanced? I guess that would be a word for it? I haven't been to church in a LONG time. And where I don't feel like you have to go to church to be a good person, I know that for me it helps me focus. But baby steps....scriptures first, then attendance. *I fall more and more in love with my big ol' Dad everyday I think. One day soon I'll dedicate a blog just to that...but for today I hope that everyone has or had the opportunity to have a great relationship with their Dad. * Since I'm not the one eating (much at all) lately..I'm not really 'trying' on meals. I made instant potatoes for dinner the other night for Husband and kids. *Reduced calories ='s reduced milk supply for Little Man..and where part of me is rejoicing (b/c he is a terrible nurser-bites, bruises, etc)-another part of my heart is shattering b/c he's my baby...my LAST baby and I don't know if he OR I am ready for him to stop. I'm buying some Fenugreek tomorrow to try to up my milk supply even though I'm dieting. That is it for now! Thanks for putting up with my rambling and my absence! I'll be back at it in full force soon..that you can count on!

Comments

Sunset97 said…
thanks for sharing...

hang in there...

tracy
girl- you are totally okay and we have missed you but so glad your back. Dieting is hard but i know you can do it. I hear the trick is to not deprive yourself and to not get on the scale! I am behind you all the way and I love the part about getting dressed up for the musical! Too funny!
XO
jessica
Suzy... your amazing... just your ability to be totally honest with the entire internet world should show you that you can and will conquer any problem you may have or will encounter! The fact that you can do anything on 500 calories a day is a miracle anyway! That is like nothing!
Laurie J said…
10 points for honesty, girl. Those prego pounds do not like to come off, esp nursing mamas. So 6.2 lbs was it?! Wow. Fenugreek is some amazing stuff I've used it when nursing (ahh, everything smells like maple syrup!) thanks for checking out my blog! I've enjoyed snooping around yours, too :)

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