Monday, May 16, 2011

I wanna talk about me...

So here's me...and despite the color of what I was drinking-Little Miss stated "That sure does look like puke, Ma"-it was delicious!
I've never had a good self esteem. Ever. I could go all Freshman Psych on you and explain it, but I'll spare you. And I've got a bit of an anxiety issue, which sometimes turns to stress, which sometimes turns to depression (not the suicidal kind-just to bluesy/angry kind). I'm not gonna preach to you about medicine, or depression-but I do want to jump on the soapbox for just a sec and say *clears throat*-It's ok.- No really..that's it. It's ok to be depressed, or feel anxious...and it's also TOTALLY ok to seek help and medication for it. There is no shame in it. None...zero...zilch. Why should there be? You need help and it's not something you can fix on your own (I know, I've tried)-so reach out. Ok? Because it is...ok.
That being said...I went to my own Dr a couple weeks ago b/c I wasn't feeling ok. I've got everything in the world to be happy about...beautiful kids, great husband, a house, a car, pets, loving family, and a best friend like none other (yes you Heather!)...and yet I could NOT get happy. The kids and husband were getting the worst of it. Short tempered and quick to snap. The family and bestie were at a loss b/c their "normal" Suze just stopped communicating with them. The house suffered more than usual. I had a severe case of "I don't want to". So I went and talked to my Dr about it, and we decided that a change in medication was in order. And back on the self-esteem bit-my weight doesn't help. She counseled me on that as well. We (together) decided that since I'd had success (10 years ago mind you) on the Atkin's diet...to try it again. Just for 4 weeks, along with the new medicine and then we'd see how I feel.
Are you asking yourself why I'm being so honest? I have no reason NOT to be.
It's only been a week...a no..it's not like I'm automatically happy. That's not how it works. But I am a little more focused. I've been low-carbing for 9 days now...and I read the newest Atkin's book (well, up until it changes phases b/c I'm not ready for that for a few more weeks). I'm still cranky..but I'm blaming that more on the fact that I just really want a poptart. But I'm also commited to making a change, seeing if the meds will help, and plowing through as best I can.
The sludge I'm drinking in the pic...in case you were wondering...it's a Green Monster of sorts..and there are ALL sorts.. but this one...only 4 carbs...and a great way to help out my sweet tooth!
Suzy's Sweet Sludge
Into a blender
1 cup of unsweetened almond milk
1 tbl sugar free chocolate syrup
6 ice cubes
1 handful of baby spinach
If you aren't looking at the color of it...and just focusing on the taste-it's awesome..really. Tastes alot like a chocolate shake!

I hope you guys will hang in there with me...despite the fact that I'm flawed. But you already knew that! :)

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